MAYBE I SHOULD COME CLEAN AT THE OUTSET and explain that the weekend at Woldingham held no special significance or attraction for me, other that as an opportunity to meet up with an old friend. He had attended the weekend the previous year and I was impressed with his observations and his enthusiasm for the place and the people he had met there.

I came looking for nothing; I left having received more than I could ever have dreamed of

It has been many years since I last had any real contact with Christians and had given up the practice of Roman Catholicism - and any other religion for that matter. I had been given the most precious gift some eighteen years previously and had a positive belief in a 'Higher Power', GOD as I understand him and choose to call him. I needed a BIG 'Higher Power' who positively discriminated, a God who was for everyone! I had come to the conclusion that religion was for people who were afraid that they may end up in hell. I believed that spirituality was for people who had already been there! I had been there through my drinking. My recovery was a direct gift from God and I have never lost my gratitude for His mercy and for the Twelve Step spiritual programme that He had offered to me. To me, these were 'the key to the kingdom'.

There have always been a couple of elements within the Roman Catholic faith that I could never get answers too. It took me many years to relieve myself from the guilt I felt, the 'Catholic conscience', but finally I felt that I had everything worked out and religion played no part in my thinking. However, I still questioned why I had this love for Jesus Christ? Why was Mary, the 'Blessed Mother', always with me? I could never square these things with my rejection of topics such as transubstantiation, the divinity of Christ, the Bible, etc.

Through the years of living my spiritual programme I had organised a pilgrimage to Lourdes, made appeals on behalf of a Catholic charity, founded a charity to help the poorest of the poor in the developing world, spent much time with prisoners and young offenders, and things were just fine - weren't they?

....then came WOLDINGHAM!

When I arrived with my friend I immediately felt something different. Maybe it was just the beautiful and imposing building and the grounds. We went along to the auditorium and I thought, "Why am I here? I am not looking for anything I am just grateful to share this time with my friend." The enthusiasm and the obvious commitment and willingness to share from all the men that I was introduced to made a deep impression on me. I had experienced all of this many times before, but never in an environment such as this. The sharing of how Jesus Christ had touched peoples lives, had changed them, healed them. The Lord was present EVERYWHERE and was manifesting His love and concern through these men, these 'strangers'.

Something was happening to me. No confusion, no fear just a feeling of wholeness and calm.

something was happening to me - no confusion, no fear, just a feeling of wholeness and calm

On the Saturday I got into conversation with one of my Scottish brothers. I was talking about Jesus as a historical figure but John explained the true Christ would not be found in history. This hit me like a bolt out of the blue I had seen God heal so many people, so if these men were sharing with me what Jesus Christ had done for them, who was I to reject this? I also began to understand that that little voice - the Christ that resides in our hearts- this is the LIVING CHRIST. This is the Christ that I had lost and misunderstood, the risen one, the Lord Himself - and he wanted me back. I was so filled with the Holy Spirit that day that I just desired to be on my own in solitude, to pray, to listen, to understand.

That evening we had the most incredible experience in our small sharing group. I shared with my brothers in a very intimate, profound and holy way like I'd never felt I could share before. This was the Holy Spirit moving very powerfully and purposefully. Through Bob, Tom and Hugh's prayers I was baptised in the Spirit. This was extremely emotional and I felt the power of God's Spirit speak through these men. I will be eternally grateful to all my brothers in this group for their tolerance, understanding and loving generosity.

On the Sunday morning I had this overwhelming desire to attend Mass and to receive the sacraments. What happened during mass will live with me forever. This was very personal and would be difficult to explain or articulate in language that would not be subject to sensationalism. I am simply grateful and am humbly in God’s debt for this most beautiful experience. I am also grateful to the brothers who did so much to make the weekend such a joy to attend. I came looking for nothing; I left having received more than I could ever have dreamed of. Thanks also go to my friend for his persistence and his loving example.

I still need to get used to this new and wonderful relationship with Jesus and I still have much of the 'Old Phil' to sort out. However, I have made a start and I look forward to growing in love and knowledge of God’s will for our little group and to play my part in our development in the 21st century.