This article first appeared in Priests and People in August 2000

MANY MEN TODAY ARE FINDING CONFLICTING MESSAGES emerging from society concerning what it means to be a man. Some have followed the pathways that proclaim that real manhood is found in personality, in profession, performance, intellect or talent, or in the image of physical prowess and handsomeness. A recent report by the National Conference of Catholic Bishops’ in the United States, reporting on the augmentation of Catholic Men’s Ministries, stated that "the increasing complexity and seeming intractability of social problems have also contributed to a sense that aspects of social and technological change are out of control. For some, the achievement of material success and all their other goals has led to a deeper, more spiritual yearning."(1)

Feeling misled by this deluge of messages, and having tried to please everyone, certain men are finding that their identities are being emasculated and many are becoming confused as to what manhood is really about. It is from this place that they are beginning to discover that true manhood is nothing to do with how a man looks, or what a man does, but in who a man is. To ascertain a true understanding of the male identity and man’s role in society, men are finding that the answers to their questions lie in the Creator, in God Himself, as He reveals Himself through Jesus Christ. They are discovering that to become a real man calls for an ongoing, purifying change in the inmost parts of a man’s being.

July 2000 saw a new initiative by our committee of eight men who, for the past two years, have been organising an annual weekend away for men at Woldingham Park in Surrey. This summer we have decided to run weekends in both the North and the South of England, again at Woldingham Park, but also at Stonyhurst College in Lancashire. This is to enable even more men the opportunity to attend. The number of those who attended the weekends in 1998 and 1999 totalled over four hundred, most of whom were Catholic, with a number of attendees travelling down to Surrey from as far away as Scotland.

men are finding that the answers to their questions lie in the Creator, in God Himself, as He reveals Himself through Jesus Christ

People both inside and outside of the Catholic Church are beginning to ask the questions, ‘how has this ministry come about?’, ‘who is attending the weekends?’, ‘what exactly happens on them?’ and ‘is a ministry specifically to men really necessary?’.

How has this ministry come about?
For several years, a small group of committed Christian men, seven of us who are Catholic and one from a non-denominational church sympathetic to the Catholic faith, have been meeting together periodically for a pub lunch. Our group ranges from an adviser in ethical investments and an executive from Microsoft to a busy parish priest and leaders in lay communities. During our times together the group has organised a number of weekends to help train and encourage those in positions of leadership in lay Catholic and ecumenical communities throughout the British Isles. However, several years later and a handful of weekends down the line, we recognised that deeper relationships had in fact now begun to develop among these communities. It was time, we felt, to switch our focus elsewhere.

Previous to this decision, one member of the committee, Charles Whitehead, who until recently held responsibility for overseeing globally charismatic renewal in the Catholic Church, had been asked to speak at a large conference in Canada. While there, he noticed that at least fifty percent of the participants were men. In a subsequent conversation with the local ordinary who had invited him, he asked the bishop how he had managed to encourage so many men to attend a church event. The bishop responded saying that his diocese had run a weekend away for men each year for two years and that these weekends had acted as a doorway for men to commit, or recommit, themselves to the life and work of the Church.

The subject of ‘ministry to men’ had been a topic of conversation at former pub lunches. Aside from what was happening in Canada, we had identified the emergence of around thirty programmes in the United States which ministered solely to men and which were diocesan or regional in scope, most of them being lay initiated and funded. As a team we certainly recognised the growing hunger for God among men in the Catholic Church in the British Isles and so chose to be proactive in responding to men’s spiritual issues by focussing and expending our energies on what we could distinctively offer from within the Roman Catholic faith tradition. By this point, the team sensed that maybe the time was right to concentrate on planning weekends away for Catholic men and so decided to step out in faith. We managed to secure an idyllic venue with a varied range of sporting facilities set in a sylvan landscape. From here we nervously began to distribute publicity. That first year saw over three hundred men assemble together for the weekend, and an even greater number at the second event last year.

Who is attending the weekends?
Of the four hundred plus men who have been attending the weekends the majority are married, suburban middle-aged Catholics. However, this does not mean to say that there are no younger men involved. Around twenty percent of those who attend are under thirty-five.

	Father and son, son and father

There are also a number of fathers who bring their sons – and sons who bring their fathers! There are also a number of priests who have attended the weekends, ranging from the newly ordained to ruby jubilarians. Some of the priests present have brought members of their own parish along with them. Others have chosen to come alone, taking the opportunity to receive and learn for themselves.

A good number of the men who are attracted to the weekends have roots in Catholic charismatic renewal, Marriage Encounter, Alpha or similar renewal experiences, although this is not exclusively the case. Others have been influenced by their involvement with men’s ministry in other denominations. They in turn desire to share what they have discovered with their Catholic brothers, namely a simple, direct, caring approach that allows men to be vulnerable in a masculine context that is also a safe place, while also providing them with clear directions and the support needed to change their lives where necessary. The remainder who have attended have come with a sense of curiosity as to what the weekends might be about.

a simple, direct, caring approach that allows men to be vulnerable in a masculine context that is also a safe place

What exactly happens on them?
Each weekend to date has consisted of several main addresses by invited speakers. These are interspersed with time for sharing in small groups, an opportunity to engage in sport or some other recreational activity, time to pray, read or just relax, and of course time each evening to chat, share and laugh together over a pint or two in the bar. There is no question as to the Catholicity of these events. Central to each weekend are the daily celebration of Mass, the provision of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and a time of Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. There is also, however, an ecumenical dimension to what transpires and provision has been made in the past for an Anglican communion service and for Evening Prayer from the Alternative Service Book.

Each year one of the invited speakers has always been from a denomination other than Roman Catholic. We have recognised how other Christian denominations in our land are more established and focussed in their presentation of Gospel values to men and identify their ability to make the Gospel message applicable to their day-to-day lives.

	Rt Revd Graham Dow, Diocesan Bishop of Carlisle

In 1999 Bishop Graham Dow, then Anglican Bishop of Willesden in North London, now Diocesan Bishop of Carlisle, was one of the guest speakers along with Bob Gallic, a father of five children who heads up a large Catholic lay community in the United States. This year’s speakers include the Catholic chaplain to the University of Minneapolis, Fr Jeff Huard, and Lord David Alton. What has been particularly affirming to date is that each visiting speaker has unequivocally recognised the potency and necessity of this sacred space for men to retreat and share together.

For the many who attend them, the weekends are becoming rare occasions when they can take the time to reflect upon or reaffirm their identity as men, not only as members of society but as the heads of families and as persons making up the Body of Christ. When men are secure in their true identity then we believe that marriages will also be strong and healthy, and so in turn will families and society as a whole. Although seemingly Utopian in vision, we recognise that small steps in this direction are better than no steps at all.

the weekends are rare occasions when men can reflect upon or reaffirm their identity as members of society… as the heads of families and as persons making up the Body of Christ

Not only have the weekends provided a seed ground for ongoing camaraderie (which many busy married men are beginning to admit they are lacking in) but there has also been some exceptional fundraising at the events. Money has been set aside so as to produce and distribute a quarterly newsletter thereby offering further encouragement and education to those who wish to receive it. Last year, a significant sum of money was sent to those working in prison ministry. This year we have been able to raise the necessary funds to send a team to Kenya and Uganda following invitations from members of the Catholic Church in Africa to assist them with setting up similar ministries for men.

Another common feature of this ministry is the network of regional small groups that meet anything between twice a month to three times a year. At present there are twenty-three regional groups ranging from three members to around fifty members. These can be found across the country, from Edinburgh to Maidstone. These groups provide men with a forum in which they can relax together and where they are able to examine their consciences, possibly sharing their difficulties and joys with each other. The groups serve as a setting where they can be accountable and vulnerable with one another should they choose to. They might also join together for some form of sacramental celebration or merely spend time learning from one another and being affirming. They may meet in a church building, at someone’s house, in a local pub, or around the table in a restaurant.

Above all, these groups provide a refuge where men are free to be known, not by virtue of their wealth but by the wealth of their virtues. These are not gatherings where masculine pride is upheld and celebrated, but where humility, responsibility and servant-leadership are discussed, learnt and esteemed. The power and development of this ministry undoubtedly lies in the regular meeting of these regional sharing groups.

Is a ministry specifically to men really necessary?
The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that "each of the two sexes is an image of the power and tenderness of God, with equal dignity though in a different way."(2) None of us would disagree with this, certainly not in our heads. We began, however, to encounter men in the Church who were unable to clearly recognise, understand and embrace "the way in which the complementarity, needs and mutual support between the sexes are [to be] lived out",(3) and especially at a heart level. We have slowly begun to identify that our so-called ‘cultural values’, some of which have been formed apart from moral absolutes, have invited us often unknowingly to embrace, at least to some degree or other, a relativist mindset. These relatives, without moral absolutes, we found to be about as useful as an unanchored buoy for someone lost at sea. A number of men are finding that they have difficulty relating with members of their own sex, and are therefore unable to sustain healthy and godly relationships with the opposite sex.

a forum in which men can relax together and where they are able to examine their consciences, possibly sharing their difficulties and joys with each other

For those of us now involved in this ministry, we had no idea how substantive these weekends would be prior to our first committing ourselves to them. Three years down the line we are watching men making great strides in their communication skills with one another which in turn is affecting their ability to communicate with members of the opposite sex. Not surprisingly, their wives are encouraging of this! These Catholic men are visibly maturing as leaders and stewards of their homes and, in short, have a greater desire to become everything to their homes that Christ is to the Church.

We also see the need to provide a place where young men can come and be mentored in the ways of morality, goodness and righteousness. Each weekend and small group meeting provides an opportunity for them to receive from the older men the wisdom, experience and knowledge that they may have failed to grasp while at home. It is here that they are also able to find acceptance, affection, encouragement and a sense of authority.

The organising committee has received various reports from men who have attended the weekends. These, we believe, speak for themselves as to the necessity of this ministry. Below are excerpts from two letters received:

Phil, from Edinburgh, wrote:

	I had this overwhelming desire to receive the Sacraments…

"The weekend at Woldingham held no special significance or attraction for me, other than as an opportunity to meet up with a friend of mine [who] had attended the weekend the previous year.
"It has been many years since I last had any real contact with Christians and had given up the practice of Roman Catholicism - and any other religion for that matter.
"The enthusiasm, the obvious commitment and willingness to share from all the men that I was introduced to made a deep impression on me. In this environment I experienced how Jesus had touched these men’s lives, had changed them, healed them. God’s love and concern were present everywhere, being manifested to me through these men, these ‘strangers’, through their tolerance, understanding and loving generosity.
"On the Sunday morning I had this overwhelming desire to attend Mass and to receive the Sacraments… The weekend was such a joy to attend. I [went] looking for nothing. I left having received more than I could ever have dreamed of." (to read more of Phil's story click here)

He went on to say, "For the past five years I had sometimes thought that Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament was a bit over the top, and had recently been having increasingly heated debates with my wife about communion of other denominations, and the theology of the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist."

He was convinced on the weekend that he needed to "share fully in the sacraments of the Catholic Church", that he "should partake fully in the Sacrament of Reconciliation." (to read more of Mike's story click here)

The testimonies of those who have participated on the weekends bear witness to the powerful work that God is able to bring about in the lives of those who attend them.

The way forward
We firmly recognise that this ministry is still very young, diverse and growing among Catholic men in the British Isles. Quite where it will take us, we do not yet know. However, one thing we are sure of is that, at present, there is a need to provide annual conferences for Catholic men. We also recognise the need to assist with facilitating and offering guidance to the small groups that are springing up across the nation.

We, the members of the organising committee, are ourselves caught up with the busyness of daily life but equally have the desire to respond to this spiritual hunger within Catholic men and to work with what the Holy Spirit seems to be doing at the grass-roots level. We are committed to ensure that this ministry is authentically Catholic while remaining ecumenically open. We do not seek to impose a single spirituality on this ministry but remain open to where God chooses to lead us, trying not to pre-empt what He may have planned for the future. Above all, we would ask your prayers for this work.

NOTES:
(1) NCCB Committees’ Report, Origins, Aug 29, 1999
(2) Catechism of the Catholic Church, para.2335 (Veritas 1994)
(3) ibid. para.2333