This article first appeared in Good News Magazine in November/December1999

MANY OF THE RECENTLY ESTABLISHED MEN’S GROUPS up and down the country now meet regularly. I have received many inspiring reports of what God is doing among those who are getting together on a recurring basis. God clearly desires to do a new work among His sons. He is providing many of us with a place where we can learn to risk, to trust and be vulnerable at a deeper level than ever before. This is all well and good but it is here that difficulties can start to develop for some of us.

Even at the best of times we all struggle with allowing God to show us who we really are in Him. Some are more aware than others of how fallen and broken they are, recognising their need for the saving power of Jesus, but we all still have quite a distance to go. Facing reality with God is one thing, once we have gone through the shame of facing it ourselves. Facing it with our brothers is another! "What if they don’t understand me?" we being to think. "What if they have never struggled in the areas in which I struggle?" To share a weakness we may have on two or three consecutive occasions with brothers we are learning to trust can be hard enough in itself, but the prospect of sharing the same weakness on ten or more occasions with them... well, somehow we don’t see this as being the done thing. "After all," we are quick to think, "doesn’t this just re-emphasise the fact that I really must be a failure in some areas of my life as I have always thought I was deep down; and moreover that failure must be my true destiny?" The answer is clearly NO.

Jesus boldly declares, ‘Admit you’re a sinner... forgive others, forgive yourself, and receive My forgiveness'

We all have our own unique skeletons in the cupboard that Jesus came to clear out. The question we need to ask ourselves is, "Whose standard am I following?" Is it that of the world that says, ‘Admit you’re a sinner once or twice if you must, but don’t get too serious about thinking your sin will be resolved’? Or is it that of Jesus which boldly declares, ‘Admit you’re a sinner as many times as you have to. Forgive others, forgive yourself, and receive My forgiveness. Just keep believing that with Me on your side your sin has already been paid for and overcome’?

We need to renounce the standard of the world which continually lures us back into isolation, lies and dissatisfying complacency. When a Christian man dares to admit his weaknesses in front of his brothers while applying the Cross to his life, he is actually inviting them into complimentarity and deeper fellowship. To fail to do this is to create an atmosphere where competition begins to take root. From here a lad’s club can quickly be formed where shame and broken identity thrive. It is important of course to be able to trust those with whom we share and to feel a certain degree of comfort with what we are sharing. Some sins admittedly are difficult to share, and others may be inappropriate in a public setting. It is here that, as Catholics, we are blessed to be able to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation, a place where we can reveal our darkness to another person and allow God to shine in His light without having any cause to think that our story will go any further. Not only in the regular gatherings of men’s groups but in every meeting that takes place between us and fellow Christians we must choose the path that calls us not to remain hidden but to trust even more deeply in God’s unfailing love, manifested to us through others.

	Photo © Freedom From Addiction

The Cross is Jesus’ invitation to you and me to celebrate our inadequacy (cf.Gal.6:14), to confidently face everything we may have lived in fear of. We know we cannot change the past but now is always the best time to take responsibility for the future. God can and will free us from guilt, shame and anxiety but only if we provide Him with the opportunity to do so. It may seem too costly to be vulnerable at times, but only through candid honesty will we be set free (Jn.8:32). Without the truth we are unable to receive the contentment and peace that is our inheritance in Jesus.

We are being invited, through facing our weaknesses, to be a powerful witness to other men as we persevere in being overtly honest before God and those around us. Only then will those who are burdened with sin and shame see through us an example that they can follow which will lead them to find freedom and allow them to be deeply known, accepted and loved.

So, the choice is ours. Do we embrace isolation and deception, or are we resolved to being committed to others through humble honesty? Let us persevere and "live in faith, faith in the Son of God who loved us and gave himself for us." (Gal.2:20)