This article first appeared in Good News Magazine in July/August 1999

WE SUDDENLY FIND OURSELVES HALFWAY THROUGH the Year of the Father, 1999. Many are developing a more intimate relationship with God as Father. Some, however, irrespective of their uncompromising commitment to the Gospel, seem to be struggling with the notion and reality of what it is to relate intimately with God as Father.

For many years this was true for me. I recall reaching my early twenties having never had any true concept of the differences between male and female. There was no wonder I could not relate healthily to a ‘father figure’. At that time I had only recently abandoned an alternative lifestyle that I had been living and preaching. Adopting the Gospel of Jesus Christ in its place I soon found myself crying out to God to show me what it was to be a man. I had the sense that Jesus was saying to me, "Go to My Mother. Go to Mary." I was still a Protestant at the time and did not really know how to ‘go to Mary’. I was stirred, however, to discover more about her. I began to regularly pray the Rosary and invited her to reveal herself to me in times of prayer. I soon experienced something that changed my life forever. One day, while quietly spending time with Mary, I tasted of her presence for what seemed like a split second. My eyes opened quickly and I instantly knew at the pit of my being that I had shared the company of the most perfect woman. Additional to this, I sensed for the first time ever while in her presence that God had created me to be a man, that in Mary I had a perfect mother, and that I could be open to one day being married. My earthly vision of myself had suddenly taken on eternal dimensions.

I began to understand the unique male identity that God had created me with and I began to walk more confidently in this

Showing any devotion towards Mary can be difficult for some. Others may deliberately choose to distance themselves from her for fear of becoming ‘too Marian’. Certainly those who have had a dominating, overpowering mother, or on the other extreme have felt their mother to have been distant or void of any true affection, will understandably be cautious about approaching another maternal figure. Mary, however, as the perfect mother is never distant nor over-protective. Once I had chosen Mary as my First Mother I began to relate with my own mother in a deeper and yet healthier, more detached way. Furthermore, I subsequently began to understand the unique male identity that God had created me with and I began to walk more confidently in this.

I expect very few people to have travelled the journey I describe above. The purpose of my recounting this story, however, is to stimulate us as men to reflect more earnestly on Mary’s involvement in every area of our lives. In her company more and more is revealed to us about her womanliness and as a result our own manliness and masculine qualities are revealed. She always has something more to teach us. Not only is our true masculinity brought to life in her presence but she can also help to bring a sense of peace and balance to the feminine within each one of us, making us more receptive to her son Jesus and therefore to God the Father.

The mystical relationship between mother and child

	security and well-being hinges on early relationship with mother

A child’s sense of security and well-being we are told often hinges on his early relationship with his mother, and his subsequent relationship with both parents. The key to healthy self-esteem seems to lie in the profound, almost mystical relationship between a child and his mother. The bonding that takes place between them before and after birth suffuses the child with concomitant feelings of security, trust and unconditional love. Confident of her love, a child can begin to grow in self-esteem and learns to become detached from his mother. From here he naturally moves towards his father from where he gains a deep sense of his unique identity and Self. Having entered as adopted children of God (Gal.4:5-7) into a secure, intimate relationship with our heavenly Mother, we begin to understand even more about Jesus and in turn are plunged into the loving arms of the Father (cf. John 14:7).

I now realise that to truly know Christ, both in his humanity and divinity, I cannot afford for Mary to be an optional figure in my life, not if I sincerely desire to become more fully the man that God has created me to be. Jesus has entrusted me into her care (Jn.19:26) and sequentially she has become an integral part of my journey.

I have changed radically, and know that many more life-giving changes await me. Pope Paul VI in his exhortation Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary sums up the inheritance we have been given in her: She shows forth the victory of hope over anguish, of fellowship over solitude, of peace over anxiety, of joy and beauty over boredom and disgust, of eternal visions over earthly ones, of life over death.(§57) As men, we have in Mary a teacher who can provide us with divine insight to gender that challenges our earthly understanding.

Holy Mary, Throne of wisdom and Shrine of the Spirit – pray for us.