This article first appeared in The Catholic Pictorial on 28 July 2002

I WAS SITTING AT A LITTLE ROUND WHITE-TOPPED TABLE in the afternoon sunshine drinking tea, eating scones and talking with four men. They came from all different areas of England and one from Scotland, and we were sharing in a ‘Men Only’ weekend at Stonyhurst.

The surrounding scenery on such a clear afternoon is sufficient to lead the mind to a condition of peace and appreciation of beauty; the college with its roots in Catholic history, the chapel which was for so many years filled with young men and boys who were at the forefront of Catholic political and education movements in years past.

The occasion was unique as well. ‘Men Only!’ It was advertised as that. There was no reason given why it was single sex. It was not an advert for a job. Of course it was exclusive, but it was not threatening. There was no hint of a plan to do anything except meet. There were various lectures, inputs from prominent men in various fields, on religious themes. But the drift of the group meetings, like this one I was at, drinking tea in the sunlight, was ‘whatever has happened to Catholic men in the Catholic Church??’

‘whatever has happened to Catholic men in the Catholic Church??’

What they were all whispering to each other up and down the halls and terraces of Stonyhurst was what others were whispering up and down prayer meetings and parish premises of the British Isles: "Where have all the flowers gone, long time missing". And in the group I was with it was blindingly clear that, without the women, in the past twenty years the Catholic Church in England would have fallen apart. What made this more poignant for me was the memorial altar at the entrance to the side of the chapel, on the steps of which were inscribed the endless list of names of the young men from this college who had died in two World Wars. And all of them were leaders of men: captains, lieutenants, and brigadiers in the armies of the last century.

To add to this there was a further list, in the history of the same building, of the young men in previous centuries who had died for the faith of the Catholic Church during the dark centuries of persecution. I said to the group around the table that in the past months I had stood with a ciborium in my hand giving the Bread of Life to the long line of devout women who seemed to wind endlessly from their places in the church, and wondered if I was the only man on the planet.

I wondered if I was the only man on the planet

Although most of the discussion was done in small groups, there was nevertheless a real bond of friendship awakened in the more than one hundred men who took part. It would be wrong to assume that this was something akin to the crew of the Titanic helping the women and children off the ship and manning the rails singing ‘Abide With Me’ as the big hulk slowly slid beneath the icy waters.

	Where is fatherhood today?

There was no sign of the spirit of despair. Reflection in reality is part of growth. The model of all this is the figure of Our Blessed Lady who "pondered these things in her heart". But from that pondering came the faith in Jesus which led her through Calvary to the Resurrection in a very deep partnership with her son. So reflection on the religious fact can be a real sign of the power of the Spirit working. This was not the first of these meetings, there have been others, and there will be more.

The question of "where is fatherhood today?" is not only being raised by religious groups. So, please ladies, do not be upset if sometimes men need to look at each and begin to come to terms with an obvious weakness in the modern man which they need to work on together. For ‘our earthly rulers falter, our people drift and die’, is true more of the young than the old. But the gift of the old is wisdom and there is need for wisdom today.